After 19 straight days with at least one other adult in the house, today was my first day at home all day alone with the kids. (All day meaning that Jeremy has been gone from 5:00am and still isn't home at 8:30pm. It reminds me of Korea!) To be honest, it was hard to wake up this morning and face a day of no scheduled time with someone else or to have someone in my house. I know this caused me a lot of problems in the winter last year, and I could already feel some of those same emotions starting to creep in today. I'm not a "people person" in that I need to be around people all of the time, but I'm not introverted enough to be able to go days without adult interaction (apart from Jeremy). Even though I know this about myself, somehow it is still challenging to me to reach out and make those connections happen with people. I'm not sure why. I've realized that this is the first time in my life that I have had to make connections with people happen. Of course, I didn't have to do this while in school or college. I didn't have to do this when working in Boston or Great Falls. I didn't even have to do this at the beginning of my mothering journey in Korea--we all lived together in what was really just glorified married dorm buildings, so community and connection was easy. Because I've never had to do it, it seems like it should all be so very simple--call someone and then get together. Somehow I just make it more complicated than that. Or the busy lives of the people around me make the coordinating harder. I'm not sure.
I have decided to do a very hard thing for me and attend the MOPS group that was a challenge for me in the fall of last year. I've determined that I won't get to the same level of emotional neediness as before. I went last week, and the ladies in my group are actually my age with kids my age, quite an improvement from last year! Plus, one gal is a CE spouse whose husband is on a one year remote to Iraq. We had an instant connection because of the CE world (it's always nice when someone knows what your husband does without having to explain it!). There are still parts of me that really miss being a military spouse. We'll see what happens!
(Aren't these the cutest pictures? Taken when Levi was 11 days old.)
3 comments:
totally hear you on the need to "do something with someone" daily. i feel okay until about after naps, then start really going crazy. there is such a stress with staying home all day, and a stress with getting everyone in the car and somewhere on time. man, that balance is hard to hit. hang in there--give yourself grace. three IS HARD (but wonderful . . .)
Fun new baby! You look great
LB. See you Thursday!
I am so proud of you for going to the MOPS group!! I hope the friendships continue to grow and bless you for reaching out.
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