A Pause Button

I wish that there were a pause button for life. I feel that I have wasted a few good years of my children's early childhood when I could have been thinking through the way that I really wanted to parent. What was I doing while nursing Hannah with no other babies at home? Why wasn't I reading the blogs that I read now, being mentored with wonderful words from the Word, praying through a vision of what I want our family to look like?

My mind is filled with all of the household skills that I have never learned (but want to so badly!) and homeschooling ideas and celebrations to have and coupons to clip. I know that it will just take day after day of putting them into practice and then I won't have to think in order to do them, but I wish that there was a grand "pause" button that I could put on my life so that everyone will stay the same age, everything will stay just as it is, and I can learn all the things I want to learn. It seems that in the crazy of my everyday I just barely get done the necessities and can't seem to find to add life to our life.

I suppose that my American instant mentality causes great complications in all of this. I want to read something, know how to implement it into my life instanteously and continue life--only better. I hope that somehow I can add in the fun and the celebration and the new skills little by little. And the good news is that I have tax season of 2011 to work on it all :) I don't know what I'm going to do with myself in January, February, and March!!