As you know, we found out last week that we are having a son--Benjamin Joel. I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to raise both a son and a daughter! I'm stepping into very unfamiliar territory here--I've never been a boy. (he he he) Although being the mother of a daughter was a very scary thought for me, I know much more about girls than boys, so that has given me some comfort. (The reason it was scary for me? I have to teach her how to be a Godly woman! Most of the time I don't even know what that means!!)
So, here is my question, oh mothers of sons--what do you feel your biggest role is in raising your sons? If my biggest role in raising Hannah is to model what a Godly woman looks like so that she has an example to follow, what is my role as a mother of a son? I have some ideas, but I would love to hear from those of you who have been doing it for years!
I love having friends! :)
Sunday, September 10, 2006
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Laura Beth, I am only one week shy of a year into the journey of mothering a son. In the past year I have found that my role with Micah is much the same as your role with Hannah - to show him what a Godly woman is. From me he will learn how to deal with women. I know quite a few men who deal very poorly with women mostly because their relationship with their moms are very strained and they didn't have any other positive female role models in their lives. I praise God for Britt's mom and sisters; they taught him how to deal and communicate with females. Does this make sense?
Not that I'm an expert, being that Caed is almost 4, but thought I'd give it a shot.
I think that the biggest thing in raising Caed is to instill and foster his sense of adventure and exploration. I think it's a naturally different thing for boys to have that in them rather than girls (although that's not always how it goes). I never want to hold him back because of my motherly fear and worry. That being said, I think we should protect our kids rationally, but there are so many times I think we protect them irrationally (i.e. we are afraid they will break an arm, or of what "could" happen)
I recently read Wild at Heart and this helped me see things from a broad male point of view.
Still trying to figure most of it out,
Rachel
Oh, dear. I would like to give you some helpful advice right now... but I honestly feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants with my own boys a lot of the time! I find myself calling out to God, "They're YOUR SONS!!! Give me wisdom!" Read James Dobson's Bringing Up Boys and that will help greatly. (And for you and your great hubby For Women Only would be good.)
Boy, that's a good one! Well, Colton has really taught me alot and I agree with Rachel. You normal day-to-day will go a lot smoother if you schedule some "crazy time". Plan on having some time in everyday that they can just run and explore. Though I have no experience with little girls (I was a wild one!). The little girl that I watched could play for hours with barbies and "quiet play" while Colton (and the other boys I have watched) really NEED some type of outlet.
I have read Bringing Up Boys by Dobson (and recommend it) and have wanted to read Wild at Heart! But I agree with Becca, you will show him what God's love is(and many times His mercy!) You'll be great!
Ummmm...yeah, what they said. I laugh because I would have to agree with Angela most on this one! Of course all the answers are good, I find myself daily learning new things about being a mom, or re-learning things that God is trying to show me about myself. I constantly point Judah to his Daddy, and work really hard at what we have decided our 'path of discipline' is. points to remember: boys have selective hearing. they only hear you if you say, 'food', 'truck', or 'toy'.
You're getting good advice, Laura Beth! I recommend all the books mentioned, as well as For Men Only. I read that and For Women Only this summer and yet again I was amazed at how different men and women (boys and girls) really are and how little any of us understand the opposite sex. You mean Chuck doesn't just instinctively know that I have 100 thoughts running through my mind at a time and CAN'T turn them off, no matter how much I'd like to? You can help Benjamin (and Hannah) to understand that God made men and women different...and if God did that He had a good reason and we should glorify those differences rather than bemoan them. (I'm still working on that one myself!)
As for my sons, I'm hoping to do better with Gregory and James than I've done with Andrew! The road is a little less rocky these days, due solely to the grace of God. Pray for your son, remember like Angela said that he's really God's son, and trust God to be faithful to complete the good work He's started in your son...and know that God can work with, through, or around you if need be. You do the best you can and trust God with the rest.
Also, things like crayons, markers, ink pads and scissors that have been relatively safe with Hannah become very destructive with boys. And if you let boys wear sneakers or snow boots without socks their feet will stink for days!!
Hi Laura Beth. I don't have any insights for you, I just wanted to say HI from sunny Victoria. I miss you and everyone else at the House and at MBC Stamping days. Hannah has grown so much. Congratulations on #2. ~Julia
Hi! I am a friend of Ambers and I happened on your blog. This topic really intrigues me. I have a son who is now almost 3 and I remember when I first found out that he would be a boy I was a little scared. I totally was set for a girl cause I knew how to be a girl! I felt completely clueless as to how to raise a boy. But that is where God came in and showed me that He would help my husband and I to raise him. I feel that my biggest role as his mother is to help him to become a Man after Gods own heart...and while he is on the way to becoming that, to be a child and young man of God. I guess it would be the same if I had a daughter, I would just want to help her be a woman after Gods own heart. Since having my son I have realized that I had all these stereo-types of what a little boy would be: wild and crazy, always getting into trouble, hellions, etc. But he is the funnest kid ever and I love hanging out and doing things with him. Sure he has alot of energy, but I would expect that from any child of mine. So I would also say don't limit your child, boy or girl, to societies stereo-types because, even though there are gender similarities, each child is unique.
Hey LB, Okay so I'm not a mother of a son, however, I deal with them on a daily basis. One thing from a teacher stand point is teach him that it is okay to show emotions, including anger, but that there are appropriate ways. I don't know how many of my male students have said that their mother told them it wasn't okay to show emotions and then they don't know how to deal with them when they have them. Those are usually the ones sitting in the office because they had a breakdown or fit right in the middle of class. And unfortunately that means the parent gets called and the kid gets in trouble because they didn't teach him how to deal with it in healthy ways. Good thing to teach the girls too, they tend to be sneakier about it though.
Well, I think for me, just trying to keep my three alive is a daily challenge. I don't have any girls of my own to compare them too, but my friends with girls have done some comparing for me. In general girls are much calmer, more inclined to be safe and less adventurous. Of course, that's not always the case, but does seem to be the general rule. Boys are just wild. Even at this moment all three of them are wrestling with Jack in the living room, including 8 month Matteo. Matteo only really laughs when Josh is sitting on him or screaming at him. That pretty much says it all.
Lots of prayer is what I recommend.
I fear that I have no clue as to how to raise a son. I have been taking care of a 3 year old little boy two days a week and find that it is far FAR different than anything I have ever experienced with Katelyn. Boys are rough where girls are gentle; boys are loud where girls are quiet (not all girls but mine); she loves to hug and he loves to wrestle; she carries her blanket around and he carries LOUD mean cars. Some days I just have no clue as to what to do next with him!
But I know for you it will be a wonderful journey for all involved! Enjoy the ride and trust in Him to show you what you need to do in raising His son.
Love to you and yours! All 4 of you! Beth
B, I just read your blog. Of all people I am not one to inform you of all of the pitfalls and wisdom for raising a son...but... the first thing that came to my mind was... to show him what a Godly woman is. Remember what Timothy recorded... he was thankful for his grandmother and mother.... no mention of the dad, tho he may have been a Godly man... we don't know. But we know the influence the women made on/in his life.
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